When I turned 40 my husband gave me a great surprise birthday party. I became a grandmother a little later. It seems not long after that I was invited to join AARP. A few years later I received my Buckeye Card for Senior Citizens. The years passed quickly. My husband was 10 years older and before I was 60 I became a widow. For almost eight years I have been alone. Three years ago I retired on my husband's Social Security and now I'm receiving Medicare. My house is on reverse mortgage and I have some investments to travel and do extra things with. Life is simple and I have everything I need to live comfortably in this world. I miss being married, being loved and having someone in my corner like my deceased husband was. In moments of loneliness I wish I could find a great new husband, tall, handsome, intelligent and successful as my husband was. It is not an easy task.
I have signed onto dating sites to meet a companion, but I have not allowed myself to get fully invested in anyone. Either the really young or the really old show interest and probably not for the right reasons. None have made me want to become committed or even good friends. Some are looking for a serious relationship, they say, even marriage. I had a friend, a widow and oler, who married again and shortly after her new husband became ill or I think was already ill and not letting her know. Anyway she became his caregiver. So that is a concern. Beibg a caregiver wouldn't work for me. I failed nursing school. My husband understood me and loved me despite my flaws. He went to work every day until he couldn't. When he had to work from home and care for himself, he did that. He was independant, his own man and so considerate.
Even when he knew he might leave this world his concern was for me and how I would be taken care of. So I got a full time job while he was so he would know I would be all right.
I have looked at the available men for my age group and there seem to be none who measure up to what I had and want in a man. My inclination is to not date. When old men are pretty healthy sex is mostly on their minds and they are taking the little blue pill to make it possible. Here I am a woman of God, not willing to submit myself to sinning like a teenager full of lust. So remaining an unmarried widow may be my destiny.
I started thinking about this today as I reflect on the passing of the father of one of my daughter's long time friends. He was interested in me, but I didn't follow up and neither did he. Recently it was discovered that he had pancreatic cancer and yesterday he passed away. Death comes for older men and finding a woman to take care of them seems to be their quest as they approach aging alone, illness and eventually death.
I think I will remain as I am, dedicate myself to doing what the Lord has for me, caring for my family, enjoying friends and living in righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. As I write this my spirit warms up within me and I believe this is God acknowledging His approval. He knows me better than anyone. I know I have made the right decision. This makes me happy. :-)
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